Christine Lung

Slowly sinking

Deep down –

Inside of me.

Silently this feeling had made way into my heart

It creeped up behind me – entered, unannounced

I’ve noticed but I haven’t cared.

When did I become like this?

Where did this pain, this anger, this annoyance

Come from?

I recall the carefree laughter

The feeling of family

The beauty in our happiness

It’s all been lost –

In just a few years, a few hormones, a few changes in our lives.

And the separation, the loss –

It slowly sinks down,

overturning something inside me

I feel a

Raging regret.

Regret. Frustrates. Me.

Red oozes out. I try to recapture it.

I need that red, it is my door.

The protective door of my room

Where no one, no one, can come in without my consent.

I should not have to feel this way

I should just let it go -

But the door keeps closing

My heartbeat rises

I should do something. Now. Right now. Now NOW –

No.

I turn this

Dark, dark

Red.

It’s slowly sinking

deep, deep down

Inside of me.

Settled.